WALLS…
Everyone has a story. It’s like in the movies, where girl and boy start talking and suddenly, there’s this great realization of what really makes a person. There’s always a back story why we are who we are. Or some significant event of the sort that happened that sort of shaped us into who we are.
i digress (i’ve always wanted to say that)
This past year has been something else. Everyone has been fighting their own battles with different coping mechanisms. This year paricularly has been a good year, i’ve learnt to appreciate more and even mended some broken relationships. These past few months however, have been the toughest.
Let me borrow a term i’ve heard quite a lot recently….. it was as though my life was on PAUSE.
Pause ; a temporary stop in action
I paused. School paused. Productivity paused. Literally everything paused.
It was like i was moving without actually moving. I can’t say why, it was just like i lost the zeal to do anything at all. I would rather much just lay on my bed all day staring into the ceiling and occassionally on the screen. It was like “today i don’t feel like doing anything” but for daysssssss.
It wasn’t all bad. I had time to spare or so i thought. i thought a lot about life, and God, and school and relationships and the future and the world. I thought a lot. Then i came across something interesting WALLS.
Walls ; protective or restrictive barriers
Walls are my defensive and coping mechanism.
Whenever something bad happens and sis don’t want a repeat, up they go WALLS.
When sis is tired of communicating or tired of trying to understand, up they go WALLS.
Sis is scared, to scared to talk about it or to let anyone in on how she is feeling, WALLS.
Sis needs help, but sis is an independent young woman, WALLS.
For a while now, trust me they were working fine. And we were getting along fine.
Then the earthquake happened. And everything was gone. No restriction, no prevention, no protection. or so i thought.
But these my walls are solid walls. Like the great wall of China, it would need more than an earth quake. It required a great amount of learning and unlearning. A great amount of brokeness and patience that quiet frankly even i didn’t have.
I don’t know where i’m going with this piece to be honest.
But one thing is sure
Everyday I’m unlearning and learning ….
