THE WAIT — EP1 Inside…
I have rewritten this blog post over five times. Each with its theme and introduction, but somehow I never complete the piece. I would write each one like I was ready to post, but they would just end up as a draft.
Change is scary.
The very first time I attempted to write this “piece” (it’s in quotation marks because although ‘piece’ is definitely the right word to describe it, it absolutely does not feel like the right word to use), I was thinking about comparison, the what could have been and what should have been. I couldn’t finish writing it because, while I believed every word I wrote, I was past it. But isn’t that the whole point of this? “Documenting the journey”. It most definitely is. But in documenting the journey, there will be days when you will ask yourself, is this worth sharing? And on those days, you will probably start writing but never finish.
On comparison and what not;
Comparison
a consideration or estimate of the similarities or dissimilarities between two things or people.
When I think of comparison, it is mostly between people, but on this journey, I found myself comparing situations a lot. |What would have happened if I had done this instead of this|, or |spent more time doing this|, what if I……
In short, a lot of what-ifs.
You’ll eventually sit for a few minutes and convince yourself that you have no control over the past. So please focus on the present because it affects your tomorrow or whatever the quote says.
You’ll eventually start to believe it but not, without a doubt, there will be moments when you genuinely wish you had made certain decisions.
Then eventually, you will say to yourself, “A ba awie” (it has already come).
So you will try for very best to make use of the time, and that will lead to
GOAL SETTING
In these past few weeks, I have set more goals than Ronaldo has ever scored (LMAOOOOO, this is such a dry joke, and the fact that I am typing that it is dry makes it 10X more cringe, but alas)
Goals are not bad, but I have used them as hope givers. So I get goals to remind myself that everything and anything is possible. I say that like it is a bad thing. I have found that setting goals help align me to my focus and trigger new habits. But what happens when FACTA NON VERBA becomes VERBA NON FACTA
You will convince yourself that there is time so you can also achieve it
Change is scary
I don’t think about it much; once you do, it becomes more real.
Change is uncomfortable and new; it’s like nothing you’ve known, and while there may be people on similar journeys, that is all it will ever be —
SIMILAR, not the SAME.
Change is Hard.
It’s like nothing you’ve done before, and it will take a lot of resilience
I don’t think about change a lot, but when I do, my chest tightens
New experiences
New people
New habits
New skies
All exciting yet so scary
I recently watched a video about moving into a new country without romanticising it, and it spoke about many things. Still, one particularly stood out to me was learning to enjoy your own company.
As an only child, you would think that would be the one thing I wouldn’t find so scary, but that was the most challenging part for me. The feeling of being alone.
You would probably know that you’re not alone, but you can’t help but feel it. Oh, you’ll have friends you would talk to and family to reconnect with…
STOP
Moving to a new country scares me a lot! There are days when I’m super excited about it because I get to see new places and try new food. But on days when I realise it’s not a vacation, but I am leaving everything and everyone I have known all my life, it gets scary.
Sometimes I get excited to see who I will be outside of everything, but on most days, I’m just scared to see who I become outside of everything and everyone.
To be honest, I am still very young and need to be taken care of(or so I think). I’m not ready for the responsibility of growing up or the accountability.
This piece is extremely all over the place because this is precisely how my mind has been in the last couple of weeks. Sometimes I feel like my writing is supposed to mask how I’m truly feeling, so I write as though I am writing code. I realised it is called journalling and reflective writing for a reason.
I don’t know what you were supposed to take from this piece or how you were supposed to feel; I guess lowkey; I’m still trying to figure out exactly what I want things to look like whilst articulating my stuff. I hope you stay sha because in the words of MNYG,
“Clarity comes on the way.”
